Finding Family in Faith: My Rabbi and Etz Chaim
by Frank Marchese
When I began this journey toward Judaism, I was searching for belonging — a place where I could show up as my authentic self, without fear or hesitation. I had spent so much of my life trying to fit into spaces that never fully embraced who I was. But at Etz Chaim, I found something I never expected: family.
From the first time I walked through those doors, I felt a warmth that words can barely describe. The smiles weren’t polite — they were genuine. The greetings weren’t rehearsed — they were heartfelt. It wasn’t about formality or perfection; it was about community, about being seen. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t “the convert,” “the outsider,” or “the manager from CVS.” I was simply Frank — a man on a journey of faith, welcomed with open arms.
My journey with Rabbi Polin actually began before I ever stepped into Etz Chaim. I’ll never forget our first phone call. I was nervous — really nervous. I spoke in a soft, uncertain voice and asked him a question that had been weighing heavily on my heart:
“Is it okay that I like men… that I’m gay?”
Without hesitation, his response was gentle, reassuring, and full of compassion. He told me that I was welcome — not in spite of who I am, but because of who I am. He reminded me that Judaism celebrates authenticity, love, and the divine spark within each person. That conversation changed everything for me. It was the first time I felt truly safe to bring all parts of myself to faith.
As we got to know each other, Rabbi Polin was genuinely fascinated to learn about how involved I had been in the Catholic Church — from teaching and leading programs to organizing community events. Instead of dismissing that part of my life, he saw it as a strength. He encouraged me to take the same passion, organization, and creativity that once served the Church and use it to help build up Etz Chaim. He reminded me that while my background came from a different faith, my talents were universal — and that I could easily adapt them to reflect the welcoming, inclusive spirit of Reform Judaism that defines our temple.
Since then, Rabbi Polin has become more than a rabbi — he’s been a mentor, a teacher, and a friend. We meet weekly, and those discussions have become the highlight of my week. Sometimes we study Torah, sometimes we talk about life, and sometimes we brainstorm new ways to grow our community. Each conversation leaves me inspired, grounded, and even more certain that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
As I’ve grown in my journey, so has my involvement with Etz Chaim. I’m now honored to lead our membership efforts, helping welcome new members and expand our community. I want everyone who walks through our doors — especially those who may feel like I once did — to know they have a place here. I’ve made it my mission to help Etz Chaim grow not just in size, but in heart.
One of the projects I’m most excited about is starting a Young Jewish Men’s Group — a space for friendship, conversation, and connection. It’s meant to bring together young men, both born Jewish and those discovering Judaism, to talk about life, faith, and the modern world. My hope is that it becomes a place where honesty and belonging thrive — where no one ever has to whisper who they are the way I once did.
At Etz Chaim, I’ve learned that faith isn’t found only in prayer books or rituals — it’s found in people. It’s in the way we show up for one another, celebrate together, mourn together, and grow together. This congregation has taught me that “family” doesn’t have to mean blood; it can mean those who love you for exactly who you are.
Every time I walk into the sanctuary now, I feel a quiet peace — a reminder that I am home. And as I continue my conversion journey, I know that I’m not walking it alone. I’m surrounded by people who have become more than friends — they are my family in faith.
Because sometimes, the most beautiful thing about faith isn’t just finding God — it’s finding your people.